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Experiencing My Breakthrough

My psychiatrist, specializing in this particular mental illness, diagnosed me with DID (aka multiple personalities). This is what science called it. Spiritually referring to DID as God's gift. Now I know my illness is not an illness. God gave me a way to fight through the trauma I had and find my way to survive when I was a baby; I almost died from what was tragic to something so unbelievable that only could be supernatural. Can you believe God gave me the gift so I could fight to survive at the tender age of 2?

I very much like to make a big announcement. There's nothing demonic about DID. I'm not alone, after all. I found out I'm one of those who have a fractured mind, but that same mind has saved my life numerous times. I wish to break the stigma and know what I know that DID simply means I have a broken, divided heart that can split into separate identities to come through and save me from going through traumatic situations. The deeper underlining issue is not all of my Parts know who God is. These Parts don't understand or cannot accept God's love because they are all held in captivity, being bondage, fighting the same fight in their own ways to survive the trauma my inner child had created as self-defense and coping mechanism. My Parts are still stuck in that past, and that moment replays their trauma repeatedly. There is a disconnect, and the awareness of each other and me as the True Self hearing their voices inside my head makes my mind very chaotic and confused. The Parts are stuck in the past when life moves on in the present world. I'm the True Self, and I'm still feeling weak and having trouble finding my identity makes me question myself. Then I panic in a stressful situation, which triggers a Part to take over, and I switch. This Part fights the same battle, the same way, the same feeling, the same beliefs, the same behavior, and the same action but at a different time and place. When I switch the Part to comes through is not fully aware of being in the present time. This Part dealt with the various cases in the same way that doesn't make sense in the current time. This is all the Parts know is to keep fighting to survive to always protect my inner child, which is my heart. Two years ago, I wrote my book hoping to find someone after reading would say to me, "Lena, I'm like you. I am like that too." Instead, I hear crickets.

I was aware of all my Parts, hearing their voices inside my head, and knowing each Part's respective roles in my severe DID eventually led me to meet someone like me. She suffered the same mental illness, and she is a very spiritual person who told me immediately I am never possessed by demons. She is a lay minister who has DID and is walking proof that God healed her.

There is a connection between science and spirituality! Hallelujah!!! She shared with me about the program, HeartSync, where she teaches those fractured people to learn that healing is through synchronizing broken and divided hearts to connect with God. I'm going to quote what I learned about this program. "HeartSync believes any persistent separation between and within a person's heart, soul, mind, and spirit (emotional and spiritual captivity hindering the resolution of conflicting beliefs and the effects of pain and trauma) prevents a consistent joyful connection with God and others." Healing is not all about rebuking the demons then labeled as demon-possessed, and I know they do not purposely know what they doing to people with DID causes more harm than good. Those churches are stuck in the old rituals and not educated or trained to deal with DID and mistakenly perform an exorcism, which causes more trauma to that person. HeartSync doesn't let you relive your traumas. HeartSync's way of healing is very gentle and slow, and we go through the process in a loving way that comes from the Holy Spirit. Everyone has their own experiences, so it is different for everyone. People with DID need to know every Part needs their own separate individual healing to connect spiritually. We must honor all Parts and let each one heal in their own time so we can integrate to be whole. Then we all can connect with God to receive His love.

The breakthrough for me is taking deliberate action to improve my health, testing my limits, and feeling renewed is worth celebrating. I want to eat healthier after the fast. I will ensure I give my body the nutrients it needs, then learns how to better care for it. I am starting over. On that note, I'm working on a plan for eating healthy, maintaining, being fit, and staying fit.
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Why am I, the Way I am & Why I do, What I do...

Why do I need to explain my bipolar disorder and DID? I have to go on my own to find explanations because I'm trying to make sense of things. People think I can't control myself sometimes. I understand that's how I appear to them. If I had leukemia or diabetes, would you ask me why I can't control my white blood cells or insulin? Bipolar is a physical illness that affects my brain chemistry, affecting my emotions and moods. Bipolar is an illness that makes me respond to outside events with way over-the-top reactions. You may go through the same event and typically respond because your brain is normal. My brain can't do this as well as yours can. My brain creates false emotions that are often very confusing and upsetting. It's not something I do on purpose. I'm not weak, but I have a personality problem called DID. However, I no longer hear voices in my head due to the last deliverance I had experienced at church.  


I have faith. I believe in God. I cast out all the evil spirits. I don't drink anymore. I don't party. I hardly go out to see my friends. It is not psychosis because medication suppresses that symptom. 

Yet when big or small changes happen in everyday life, it puts me into mood swings, and the bipolar symptoms creep in during those nights, which causes me to feel the extreme adrenaline pumping from my brain that travels throughout my body. When this happens, I can't sleep. 


Why I can't sleep for days? The fact is that there is a chemical unbalance in my brain, but there has to be more than that. I eliminated all the triggers, yet sleepless nights are still happening. I've been like this for years. 


Why? Why does this keep happening? 


I know my behavior is often weird whenever I have an episode, and after every time it passed, I always tried to work on improving myself. When family and friends help me get more stable, the weird behavior will also get better. I have an illness that makes it look like I have emotional issues, but I don't. I just have a brain that doesn't react to things correctly. I'm working to fix this by combining science (therapy & medications) and spirituality (God). I think the problem is people don't ask questions about what bipolar or what DID is. So there's a stigma about these two illnesses. Church chooses not to recognize this, calling it the devil's work. Doctors can't rely on anything spiritually because it is something they can't prove exist or not. I am looking for a connection between science and spirituality. 


I ultimately agreed doctors can't cure you, but they are the starting point for us to go when we get sick. They can only put the bandage over our wounds. On a deeper level, we must have faith in God or the higher power we believe in to fully heal us. 


At the end of the day, I only want to understand myself.


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Finished Reading Bible Book of Ephesians


The "light" is mentioned in the Bible Book of Ephesians. This word has a special meaning to me. I even named the book I wrote and published after this word -- Touched by Light. 

Ephesians 5:8-10
"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth, and find out what pleases the Lord.

Ephesians 5:13
"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, and everything that is illuminated become a light."

I should remember this verse. Whenever I experienced something supernatural, I always see a bright light blinding my eyes. 

Ephesians 1:18
"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you..."

Ephesians 2:2
"....the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient."

I feel I am made alive in Christ but there are times when felt like I was disobedient because I am constantly questioning.

Ephesians 2:13
"But now in Christ Jesus, you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ."

I have experienced so much fear. I don't understand what is happening to me because my mind works differently than most. I would go the opposite direction, but now I'm learning to have more faith, and since then, I find myself getting closer and closer to my Heavenly Father.

Ephesians 3:16-17
"I pray that out of his glorious riches, he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith."

Something beautiful is happening to me, even though it doesn't feel that way. 

Ephesians 3:12
"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."

This is why I am getting better at saying prayers and talking about my faith. I'm slowly building my relationship with my father in heaven. I can speak to Him more freely through my writing.

Ephesians 3:7-8
"I became a servant of this gospel given me through the working of his power. Although I am less than the least of all the Lord's people, this grace was given to me..."

In this verse, I will say when I'm feeling I am not the right person to do God's work. I feel unworthy of something so beyond my own comprehension.

Ephesians 4:16
"From him, the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."

While it is normal for other people to have a moment of dissociation between thoughts and actions, the case is more severe for me who suffers from DID. I once believed that my whole body was broken. My mind was detached. I don't feel like myself; I feel like some other person, I refer to as a separate part, inside me, I am describing a severe dissociative symptom. I believe God will join my mind-body and together make me whole by his power of love. The Armor of God, this verse is for strength and courage

Ephesians 6:10-12
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."







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Finished Reading Bible Book of Revelation



I was reading the Book of Revelations in my bedroom alone, then something so unique happened when David walked in the room and heard what I was reading. He said that sounds so familiar because he heard the exact words I read this morning that he had listened to Francis Chan's video on YouTube. We both connected together with Revelation in the bible! I don't believe that was a coincidence. It's a good sign from God. David and I are on the same page. I finished reading it out loud so David could hear it, too. The Revelation is undeniably profound, so deeply disturbing but also profoundly wonderful and enchanting that honestly, I have not yet grasped the book's essence. Wasn't the book written for people who knew their Old Testament much better than David and I? I think this is why we have difficulty understanding other people who are well versed. I know how scary our destiny already had been predicted, and it's a fight between good and evil. Jesus will return to earth to determine and make the final judgment. I think that means you go to heaven with him or down below to hell, where Satan will gleefully wait to torture you for eternity. This is so terrifying.

Revelation 1:1-3
"The Revelation from Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angels to his servant John, who testifies to everything he saw--the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ. Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it because the time is near."


--

Dear God,

I am so fascinated after reading Revelation. I don't completely understand everything. Lord, I know you do not want those who obey to be confused, ignorant, or fearful of the future, so you instructed John to share what you showed him to the world. I feel good about reading Revelation on my own. I'm looking forward to conversing with my Christian friends on this topic. Father, I have basic knowledge of how everything will eventually play out and end up, so I can share and transmit this knowledge to other Christians who do not have this knowledge and information. Revelation is your time to REVEAL what lies ahead—short and long-term. The stage is set, and You have lifted the curtain on the future. Revelation describes terrible plagues and world-shattering—truly Earth-shaking—events! With this in mind, I know that the events of Revelation described in this book are far in the future. But they can be understood now. God, I thank you for giving me the sign to read this book tonight and how You connected my husband and me to the bible. Thank you for blessing my family and me. In your name, Jesus Christ. Amen.

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Designing My Own Workout Routine

It is time to get my sh!t together to look healthier and more fit. Who doesn't? 



I reached out to Britney Tafoya, my BFF, a professional fitness coach. She is a powerful inspirational force to me. One night, what she said to me made an impact because I know some form of change is necessary, but I am uncertain about the magnitude of change I am willing to embrace. I told her I wanted to lose weight and get fit. I need a coach like her to empower me to completely rethink what’s possible. She told me it’s a process. No deadline involves building an overall understanding of what I want to accomplish but delves deeply into building awareness around any negative thoughts and false assumptions about my struggles, and I’m not alone. Not only has my mood improved, but my husband can see the genuineness in me to do better and be better. I signed up to attend Britney’s workshop to hear and learn more from her. Check out Britney’s website at www.weightwarriorwoman.com
 
In the meantime, I started thinking about my plan to get healthier and fit, what I need to do on my own, and how can I better myself.

I don't want to sign up for a gym membership because I don’t feel comfortable, and my paranoia believes everyone is staring at me. I know no one is really doing that because they are focused on themselves rather than looking at me, but that’s how I feel. I know I won't go to the gym consistently every day, so the gym won't work for me. 

I want to exercise at home at whatever time seems fit for that day. I researched Pinterest to look at different doable exercises and then tried to piece together my own program that works for me. Something I know for sure I can do and keep on doing it. I really like to start slowly, building up my strength and endurance. 

I like the 30-Day Challenge, so I decided to test out these two workouts. 





I want toned arms, toned abs, and thinner thighs! I don't want to go overboard doing cardio because I learned from past experiences that doing only cardio doesn’t tone up the body. I'm focusing my training mostly on strength and core exercises. I found these workouts that I like and know I can start working on them. 









I’m not an expert, but doing these workouts targets strength building and muscular endurance. I repeat 3 times doing each exercise that focuses on a specific area. I know when I get done with the strength/core training, my metabolism is up for up to 24 hours afterward, which is excellent for losing weight and getting tone. Definitely, I am not bored training at home when the kids are in school. These workouts get my heart rate up and strengthen my muscles simultaneously. 

Some days, I wake up at 8am to work out. It takes me about 1 hour and 30 minutes to complete all the workouts. Afterward, I go hiking for 30 minutes on Montgomery Hills, a trail behind Evergreen Valley College down the street from where I live, or walk 30 minutes on my treadmill. On other days, rolling off the bed to turn off the alarm felt almost impossible, and I would wake up at around noon, but I forced myself to do these exercises for at least 1 hour and skip cardio no matter how late it was. 

It feels great! Finally, I got my workout routine down. I’m elated and can't wait to see the results. Of course, it is not anytime soon because it is a long process, and I'm looking forward to accomplishing it daily. 

 
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Finished Reading Bible Book of John


I went back to reread the Book of John. Each time the meaning always sounds different and my perspective changes. 

I remember seeing bright white lights when I close my eyes in the middle of the day and whenever about to go to sleep. It can linger and seem to appear out of nowhere. Anyway, I did ask my doctor if this is psychosis and she said no. Usually, whenever this happens I would have a flashback memory of a particular experience that I believe was spiritual as if it just happened yesterday. At first, seeing the bright white light freaks me out but not anymore.

Reading the Book of John there are many times "light" was mentioned. This makes me write down verses that resonate with me so I can go back at any time to read them again and again. I'm hoping I can memorize them one day. 

John 1:4-5
"In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

John 3:19-21
"This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God."

John 12:35-36
"Then Jesus told them, "You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going. Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light."

John 14:27
"....Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 15:7
"If you remain in me and my words remain in you,, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."


God has shown me the kindness to build my faith by choosing me to be a believer. By giving me a purpose for my life and a means to achieve it through Him. Being faithful to the little purposes in my life. I must obey God rather than a human being. I chose to do this because I can't please a man. I can please Him. I read about Thomas and I share his strengths and weaknesses. Thomas is devoted to Jesus and follows Jesus. His faith is weak when Jesus was not around. Sometimes Thomas was skeptical and questioned but he was honest about it. If he didn't understand something, he said so. If he felt discouraged, he acted like it. I am very much like Thomas. I doubt and question faith a lot. I went through many trials that pile up and I'd start having a lot of doubts. I know God is always good. His plan for me is clear never confusing but only if I'm willing to listen from my heart. 


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Tina In My Dream


Tina visited me in my dream. She told me to tell her family she is sorry for leaving. She love all of you. She told me she wants everyone to be strong for her because she is in a good place, resting in peace. I was completely mesmerized by the sound of her voice, so angelic. Seeing her was a beautiful sight to behold. She was a vision of loveliness and I was enchanted by the peaceful look on her face. She said to me, “don’t forget to tell them I will always be in their heart.” Then she floated up and slowly faded into the light. The magical moment was over. Then, it really hit me. She is gone. 


I woke up I realized that it was a dream and I wanted to go back to sleep, just so that I see Tina again. I tried but the dream never came back again.


Tina‘s message to trust that she is at peace and for us to accept this and move on. One of her gift to us was always to give us strength. So we have to be strong for her and continue on to live a good life because that’s what she would have wanted. I know we will all miss Tina, but let's celebrate her life and remember all the sweet memories of her. We need to hold onto those moments. That’s how she would like to be remember. She wouldn't want it any other way.  


Tina, I miss you. I love you. RIP, my special friend. 

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Physical Healing Prayer For Mother-In-Law

Five Steps Prayer Model

 

Interview

At home, my Mother-In-Law, in her early-60 approached me and asked whether I could pray for her. "What do you want me to pray for?" I asked. She said that she had work long hours. I asked what she would like the prayers for, and she said that for months she had been experiencing back pain especially around the lower pelvic area and pain in her left leg. She told me how on several occasions she could neither seat nor stand she could only lie down for comfort because the pain was unbearable when seated or when standing. According to my Mother-In-Law, this back pain near the pelvic had affected both her personal life and work. She could not do any task for a long period before the pain reoccurred. This was the third month she was experiencing this pain although she said that she did not feel the pain every time. There were specific times that the pain appeared for example at night and after bending, seating or standing for a long time. Although she did not know what exactly caused the pain, she was sure that sleeping on her mattress made her situation worse so she bought a new mattress. When I asked whether she could remember how this problem began, she said that at first, she thought it was the normal back pain after doing tiring tasks such as working at her job. However, she realized that something was wrong when the pain kept recurring almost every night and after doing simple tasks. I asked her if she had fallen before and maybe got injured on the pelvic bone. She told me no.

 

Prayer Selection

Having gotten the important facts about my Mother-In-Law’s issue, I was ready to proceed to the next step. I asked myself which was the most appropriate prayer that I should pray to help her. I silently asked the Holy Spirit to take control and guide me for I was just being used as a vessel in helping my Mother-In-Law. I told my mom it is only God who heals, only that He uses human beings to release His healing power and blessings. Whenever I want to begin praying for someone, I always ask for permission whether it was okay to lay my hands on her back and legs and my Mother-In-Law was okay with that. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and directed me to use both the petition and the command. The Spirit wanted me to intercede on her behalf and to command the illness to leave her. The first step was to ask the Holy Spirit to come nearer and speak because His servant was listening. I commanded her back to get healed and commanded the spirit of the disease to leave her. I asked God to heal her from her pain. I prayed for her healing when I was deep in Spirit. I commanded her back and left leg to get healed the same way Jesus Peter commanded the lame beggar to rise and walk (Acts 3:6). I also said a petition prayer requesting God to heal her. I prayed to God through Jesus Christ to release His healing power and let His spirit touch the back of my Mother-In-Law and relieve her from pain permanently.

 

My Prayer

“Holy Spirit, please come with your healing power. In the name of Jesus, I command my mom’s back and legs muscles to be healed. I command all bruising to leave and the effect of all the past bruising to be healed. In the name of Jesus, I command my mom’s back and legs muscles to be healed. I command all aches and pains to leave and the effect of all the past bruising to be healed, in Jesus’s name! I command all the muscles and ligaments in her back and legs to function normally so that she can move normally. I command any spirit of infirmity in my mom or in her back and legs to get out of her now! In the name of Jesus, I command any afflicting spirit to get out of her now! Your assignments are over! Thank you Jesus for the physical healing of my mom’s back and legs. Thank you for all you do for me, mom, David, and all my kids. Lord, we all know that only you can heal and regain strength. I am asking you in the power of prayer to heal my mom from the pain in her back and in her legs. Please, lord God help my mom to feel like herself again, regain her strength again, lord. I thank you for all you have done and continue doing for us. Father God, please come with Your healing touch and restore my mom. May Your miraculous power move through her being and may Your presence fill her heart. Lord, I lift up to You and I ask for Your healing power to fully heal every part of my mom’s body. I pray believing that this is the night for mom to be set free from her suffering. I could feel the presence of the Lord around coming to heal her. Lord, I ask that my mom be quickly transformed into radiant health as you respond to prayer and Your healing promises in Your Word. Please watch over her and grant that she may be restored to that perfect health which it is Yours alone to give; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Please bless mom and our family tonight with quality sleep. May she wake up tomorrow when she is fresh and rejuvenated. Bless our home and keep everyone safe. Cover mom with your wings of love tonight and when she wake up tomorrow help her to do so with a joyful smile. In Jesus’ Name, I pray, Amen.”


Prayer Ministry

I prayed believing that this was the day for my Mother-In-Law to be set free from her suffering. I could feel the presence of the Lord around coming to heal my Mother-In-Law. I believed in every word that came out of my mouth because I had faith that the Holy Spirit had taken control. As I was praying, I had asked my Mother-In-Law not to pray to be receiving every blessing I was requesting for her from God through Jesus. She had to be attentive because the Holy Spirit was visiting, and it is important to be keen to notice when the healing has occurred.  I also did not forget to thank God for what He had done in my Mother-In-Law’s life and for what He was going to do for her. I was praying with my eyes open because I also wanted to witness the doings of our Lord. She was willing we continue with the prayers although I kept them short and I also prayed persistently.

 

Stop and Interview

The first time I stopped and asked her how she was feeling she said that she still have some form of bone pain because apparently, she had stood there with me for some minutes. She was willing therefore I continued to pray persistently. I continued saying the short prayers and asking her how she was feeling. I would ask her questions to know what the Lord was doing. The third time I asked she said that she was feeling relieved. Three minutes later, the Spirit spoke to me and said that it was time to end the prayers. I removed my hands from her head and as a signal that the prayers were coming to an end. My Mother-In-Law was feeling a form of pain a few minutes ago and now she says that she feels the pain lessen but it is still there. The Lord haven’t healed her yet.

 

Post Prayer Suggestions

I asked her to be prayerful and continue being faithful to the Lord and to serve Him with all her soul. I asked her to still go for the doctor's appointment to get the remaining tests done. Tonight, she is not completely healed but she does feel better. I asked to always defend this healing and use it for the glorification of God's name. It is God’s will when she will be totally healed.

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Physical Healing Q&A

Q. Discuss why Jesus healed the sick. Use biblical passages for support.


Jesus healed the sick because it was a display of his power and divine authority. At the same time Jesus had compassion and that is why He focused on different diseases (Matt. 4:23; cf. 15:30–31), congenital disabilities (John 9; Mark 7:32–35); chronic situations(Luke 8:43–47); and even demon possession (Mark 5:1–16). Since Jesus cared for the people, he used his power and divine authority to provide them with relief and timely care. Jesus simply doesn’t allow us to base our faith for healing on certain actions that we can perform. We’re not healed by a ritual, we’re healed by Jesus. In (Luke 8), Jesus isn’t content with just physically healing the woman with the bleeding. He doesn’t want her just to go away physically healed, He wants to do something even more important; He wants her to know she is loved. 

This was exactly how I felt when Jesus came to me and started working on me. Jesus wants to calm my fears. He wants to talk with me, to reassure me. He helps me understand how I am being healed. And He makes my healing public so I can be welcomed back into the reality and not stay stuck in my mind. When we pray for the sick in the name of Jesus, this same love and compassion for us should be our motivation. Every person we pray for to be healed should leave feeling loved by us and reminded of God’s love for them, no matter what measure of healing has come. Jesus has authority over sickness and death. I didn’t know this same authority has been given to His followers, so praying for the sick should be a normal part of obedient Christian life.

I have two mental illnesses I’m struggling with and was sick for a long time. I lost my mind and I have been living in darkness. Today, I can now think clearly as the symptoms from my illnesses have been managed by medications. The last five years, I have been through the intensely high times. Every night, I reflect on the experiences that have shaped me. I am still healing slowly, and I know for a fact I did not do this all on my own. Much of who I am today can be attributed to God.

I believe in medicine and doctors, but now I strongly believe in divine healing. I've had several amazing experiences with Jesus where He intervened and revealed himself was at Giver of Life church. I didn't know back then, but I know now that my journey to healing had begun from there. But since I have been diagnosed with mental illness, I felt torn believing the experiences I had were caused from the illness. Being stable now, I believe there is more to it. I accept the diagnosis but the diagnosis and my belief in God goes hand in hand. I believe there is more to these experiences than putting it down to mental illness. I’m still trying to figure out deep spiritual meanings of my experiences. It is not so much about is it real or imaginary. Even though there may be a mental health aspect to these experiences, the meaning an individual connects with that experience is what is most important. 

Jesus heal the sick because he loves all his children of the light. He healed me in the best way he know how that will work only for me. Each of us have our own personal relationship with our Father. From the outside looking in no one can see but from the inside looking out I see and felt his healing power.  He broke me down so many times and put me through many trials for me to overcome so I can believe in him. My healing transformation begin when I completely surrender to Him. 

Q. Describe the five step prayer model and explain how you will use it during your case studies. 

The five step prayer model entails the Interview, the Diagnosis, Prayer Selection, Prayer Engagement and Post-Prayer Direction. It is intended for situations where an individual makes a prayer request. This model is applicable in the case studies because it is foundational in nature and provides a point of reference.

Q. What is a word of knowledge?

Word of knowledge is when the Holy Spirit exposes information to an individual that they would not have known in the natural world. For example, when praying for an individual, one can state things that he/she had not shared with you. Some scholars state that this is where God shares what He sees with an individual to enable His will to be done. Jesus and his disciples used the Word of knowledge in their work. When Peter stated that Jesus was indeed the Son of God, Jesus was quick to point out that only the Holy spirit had shown this to him. The same way Jesus knew who was to betray him and shared this with the disciples in advance yet no one knew about Judas and his intentions.

Q. How can you apply knowledge from the Ministry Team Training Manual to your case studies?

I can apply knowledge from the Ministry Team Training Manual to my case studies to help ensure consistency in healing prayers. It may also ensure that all training information on skills, processes, and other information necessary to perform praying is together in one place.
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Word of Knowledge

The physical healing class started this week. I just finished writing this assignment after watching the video of Dr. Clark teaching about the Word of Knowledge. 

I found most helpful from Dr. Clark’s workshop when he defined the Word of Knowledge is the understanding of getting information from God where you couldn’t know in the natural and that knowledge are supernatural given. The gift of faith and the gift of miracles goes together. The four important words — “He is calling you.” Jesus healed all who came to him. Heal the sick and cast out demons are important and that’s what Jesus do.

Dr Clark said there are seven ways you can get the Word of Knowledge: You can feel it, you can think it, you can see it, you can read it, you can say it, you can experience it, you can dream it.

This remind me there were times when I am negatively affected from my experiences and reminiscing memories I had that were very intense mystical experiences at church. I believe I received the Word of Knowledge during these experiences that God was slowly healing me from my mental illnesses. 

I remember being very sick and haven’t slept for 3 days; I went to a new church for the first time. During worship I got so overstimulated. I have never been to a charismatic church. I felt disoriented as I was forced to the front for my turn to receive healing, I didn’t understand what was happening. I was petrified. I was no longer in the right state of mind, I become dysfunctional and dissociated. That night I mentally disappeared and different alters took control over my body, parts of the experience that night had vanished into a black hole of lost memories - leaving me vulnerable to vivid flashbacks in dreams. I knew something happened at church but couldn’t recall the experiences for 3 weeks then it finally dawned on me the dreams were real memories that was slowly returning. The experiences resulted me having dreams that were in bits and pieces of memories that I suppressed. 

1. I dream it, I dreamed about the experiences at the church many times. In the dreams I felt a profound disconnection from my body, floating outside me and observing myself from the distance. The dreams brought me back to the incidents at the church. From the perspective of my mentally ill mind that interpreted the dreams like this — I was at church I saw I was a baby (my inner child) crying on the floor and I felt I was in danger. I saw myself from above that I switched to another alter I called Beast (my protector) came to the rescue. I felt Beast intense energy. I had the vision of Beast being cornered against the wall in front of the church. Dark shadows were surrounded her so she ran, crawled, kicked, jumped over rows of chairs to escape pushing everyone away. There was a light so bright made Beast fell to the floor as many hands were trying to hold her down. Then that moment I saw myself switched into a another different alter named Lola (the dominant director). 

2. I say it, when Lola looked straight into that pastor’s eyes and told her to stop. I saw in my dream the pastor yelled in Lola’s face, “No! You demon. What is your name?!” Lola didn’t response then I saw myself switched back to the baby and cried. I woke up from that dream feeling disoriented. 

From a reality perspective the dream was a real occurrence and I know now it was from a fight-or-flight experience in which triggered the Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), my mental illness. I was frightened to death and couldn’t cope at that time, so I become dissociated, and my Parts took over my body to help me. The baby, Beast, and Lola are all me as one but my mind can split into different separate Alters to dealt with the extremely stressful situation. The people at the church witnessing what is medically called “switching” that they didn’t understand so they tried to performed an exorcism on me. After I gained my conscious back I had amnesia. No one tried to explain anything to me. 

During the second experience I was standing in front of the pastor and holding her hands for her to pray on me. I saw a blindly bright light and two things happened. From the outside, I was still physically there not knowing I was fighting the pastor, I fell on the floor spinning in circle, then levitated from the ground going to the cross with my eyes closed, and held on to it crying uncontrollably. From the inside, I mentally I went deep inside my mind and see myself sitting on a chair in a dark room as I cried out repeatedly, “I can’t hear you, Pastor!” I felt a powerful force crashed through the wall and a heavenly strong hand grabbed mine and pulled me out from my own mind. I woke up to the reality not knowing what really happened. I put the experiences aside because no one talked to me about it. 

Then the third experience there at church we were watching the movie Passion of Christ. When suddenly I looked up in the ceiling and saw bright lights that scared me so I ran from it and blindly crawled under rows of chairs trying to hide. People were trying to pull me out from there but I was extremely strong and held on tight refused to come out. I heard a spiritual voice said, “feel me.” Instead of obeying, I was set in my own way becoming dissociative. I lost time and laid on the floor hearing a voice told me to, “feel me,” inside my head. I cried like I never cried before in my life as I felt excruciating pain all over my body. I screamed out because it was so painful beyond words. 

3. I feel it, the pain that was not my pain. I believe I felt the pain of Jesus when he was crucified on the cross. 

4. I see it, I thought the bright flashing lights in my vision were there to harm me but it was truly the lights were angels holding me up instead. 

5. I think it, God supernaturally showed me the angelic hosts who were there to protect me from what these experiences could have been - a catastrophic situation. The pain I felt was Jesus’s pain dying on the cross for us. I had tunnel vision and I can’t be put in a box. 

6. I experienced it, I can now see beyond my own pain and suffering because I felt the emotions from Jesus. I can feel other’s people pain too. I am firmly convinced that God sent angels to advise me. It’s very terrifying to be touched by the heavens like this. Having felt what I felt was not exaggerating. 

7. I read it, the verses in the Bible I see when Jesus intervened as he wants me to feel his emotions. Fear always swept over me; I was not prepared  for those experiences I had at this church. God put me there teaching me something I couldn’t comprehend because he has given me something supernatural to allow me to heal myself. 

I can apply these insights into my own practice because I received the Word of Knowledge I've had what might be described as a spiritual experiences in all seven ways Dr. Clark said that were so profound that it completely changed the way I viewed reality and I can honestly say hand on heart this was 100% true with no stretch of imagination, this happened exactly like this.  
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Questions About Bipolar Disorder

Q. WHAT IS BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that affects the chemicals in my brain and causes changes in mood and behavior that are often not my normal responses. The emotions I experience can be inappropriate or exaggerated responses to a situation, can feel very real to me. More technically, bipolar disorder is a genetically transmitted medical illness that affects brain chemistry. It results in abnormal regulation of nerve cells that are responsible for controlling strong emotions and causes intense episodes of either mania or depression as well as wide variety of others symptoms. It is combination of biochemical, genetic and environmental factors that may trigger the chemical imbalances in the brain that causes severe shifts in my mood and energy, making it difficult for me to function normally. It’s fundamentally a biological medical illness involving an impaired ability to stabilize certain aspects of my brain chemistry. 

Q. WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Bipolar disorder causes repeated severe mood swings, or episodes, that make me feel very high (mania) or very low (depressive) with wide range of symptoms in between. I use my own body to create a natural high in place of drugs. It's called adrenaline, and my body naturally make it, but just like drugs, alcohol, and other things, I can become addicted to it that’s why I always crave to be manic. The excess adrenaline always keep me up at night because my brain have so much energy, I can’t sleep. 

Mania Episode Signs and Symptoms:
  • Increased energy from excess adrenaline
  • Increased involvement in goal-directed activities 
  • Euphoric mood, don’t feel sick, won’t take medication 
  • Racing thoughts, oversharing 
  • Rapidly talking, texting, writing, and jumping between ideas that others have difficult time getting a word into the conversation. 
  • Starting projects I am confident will change the world
  • Lack of concern for how family members and friends feel about my behavior. 
  • No sleep for 1-3 days or longer 
  • Heightened sense of self-importance
  • Spending sprees
  • Being my own doctor to find a cure for illness
  • Religious psychosis/Hyper-religiosity
  • Loss of appetite, unintended weight loss
  • Denial that anything is wrong
  • Believe to be fully-functioning person
  • Psychotic symptoms (more severe psychotic symptoms are only seen in full-blown mania)
  • With full-blown mania, I eventually can’t function on my own and must go to the hospital or be quarantine at home under strict care from family. 
  • Loss of all contact with reality. 
Depressive Episode Signs and Symptoms: 
  • Sad, anxious or empty-feeling mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism
  • Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities
  • Lack of energy, fatigue
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Can’t make a decision, when I do, it never feels right 
  • Restlessness and irritability
  • Sleeping too much for 1-3 days
  • Binge eating, unintended weight gain
  • Psychotic symptoms: delusional and hallucinations
  • Unable to function doing daily tasks
  • Isolate from everyone 
  • Difficulty expressing feelings/thoughts 
  • Neediness, anxiety, distorted thoughts
  • Paranoid ideas: People are talking about me.  
  • Feeling easily overwhelmed 
  • Oversensitivity 
  • Over analyzing everything 
  • Brain racing and looping — one thought keeps going through my mind over and over again. 
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
Q. HOW IS BIPOLAR DISORDER DIAGNOSED?

Bipolar disorder cannot yet be diagnosed physiologically by blood tests or brain scans. Currently, diagnosis is based on symptoms, course of illness, and family history.  Mental illnesses run in my family. The different types of bipolar disorder are diagnosed based on the pattern and severity of manic and depressive episodes.
  • Bipolar I Disorder is mainly defined by manic or mixed episodes with symptoms that can be so severe that needs immediate hospital care. The symptoms of mania or depression must be a major change from normal behavior. I got diagnosed having this type of bipolar. My episodes and symptoms are mostly manic that can be manifested into full-blown mania then I always crash into a depressive episodes with symptoms that can get so severe I cannot function at all. My manic highs often just look like enthusiasm. My lows I keep hidden from most people. 
  • Bipolar II Disorder is defined by a pattern of depressive episodes shifting back and forth with hypomanic episodes, but no full-blown manic or mixed episodes. 
  • Bipolar III Disorder is with numerous major depressive episodes, often with only brief periods of wellness yet no manic or hypomanic episodes. The manic is dormant and may never be unlocked unless certain drugs ignite it as there is a strong tendency for severe manias to erupt when the person takes prescribed antidepressants, stimulants, or steroids, or if there is substance abuse. 
  • Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (BP-NOS) is diagnosed when a person has symptoms of the illness that do not meet diagnostic criteria for either bipolar I or II. The symptoms may not last long enough, or the person may have too few symptoms, to be diagnosed with bipolar I or II. However, the symptoms are clearly out of the person's normal range of behavior.
  • Rapid-cycling bipolar disorder is when a person have four or more episodes of major depression, mania, hypomania, or mixed symptoms within a year. This type of bipolar is me, too. 
  • Cyclothymic Disorder, or Cyclothymia, is a mild form of bipolar disorder. People who have cyclothymia have episodes of hypomania that shift back and forth with mild depression for at least two years. However, the symptoms do not meet the diagnostic requirements for any other type of bipolar disorder.
  • Hyperthymia is described long-term, continuous hypomanic behavior. This may seen as a temperamental or personality style characterized by gregariousness, high energy, a decreased need for sleep, enthusiasm, irritability, and rapid speech. 
Q. HOW IS BIPOLAR DISORDER TREATED?

While no cure exists for bipolar disorder, it is treatable and manageable with psychotherapy and medications. Mood stabilizers, like lithium, or anticonvulsant drugs are commonly prescribed to help manage the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Your doctor may also recommend other types of medication, such as antidepressants and antianxiety and antipsychotic drugs. 

It took me a long time to really come to terms with bipolar disorder. I kept hoping it would just go away. I know I was super hard on myself for years because I couldn't seem to get my act together. It was a loss to realize that this is my life. It's not going to go away. I learn to manage it. I would tell myself nothing will ever get better. But it does get better. Year after year and month after month I manage my symptoms more successfully, and each time is better than the last. My depressions are much shorter now and as long as I stay on my medications and watch my lifestyle I don't get too manic. I still become hypomania once or twice a week but the episode is not severe. This is something my psychiatrist and I are currently working on. My medication continue to get adjusted because we haven't find the correct combination of medications that will regulate me to sleep consistently every night. I am currently on Lithium and Zyprexa injectable, this medication is given to me by injection every four weeks. The injection help to lessen the stress having to remember to take a pill every day and I will have the correct dosage in my system. Mood changes and having symptoms can still occur even when I am being treated but full-blown episodes is averted by adjusting my treatment. 

Q. DO I NEED MEDICATION, OR CAN I BE TREATED EFFECTIVELY WITHOUT IT? 

Learning to live with a serious lifelong illness takes so much adjustment. I have to look at my life differently than I expected. The brain I thought would be there when I need it often malfunctions and wrecks my life. The body I thought would take care of me gets sick easily.  Talking about the feelings I have surrounding my diagnosis is a positive first step in learning to live with bipolar disorder without it taking over my life. I have the ability to take charge of bipolar disorder. I can't do it with medications only, and I can't do it alone. I believe with the combination of science and spiritual intervention helped a lot. I will never forget that I am the one who lives with the illness. It’s not my fault I have this illness but it’s my responsibility to stay well. I will keep myself well enough to have a clear enough brain to make my own decisions. I have a system in place to take care of me when my brain isn't well enough to take care of me. I find that the more I live in the reality of the fact that I have a mental illness, the more proud I am of my considerable accomplishment of staying alive and creating a really good life. It really is about the choices I make when I am well. The more prevention I can do during the stable times, the more able I will be to recognize, treat, and end the mood swings before they go too far. 

At the end of the day, I am the core. The person God made me. My healing and recovery are mostly from God. He wants to heal my whole person. Through love and support from Father God, my wonderful husband, and close friends, I wouldn't of made it. Even in the midst of turmoil, God sticks with me and uses challenges to shape me. When I understand that, my perspective completely flips. No longer do I see my illness as a failure, I see it as moments when God, my loving Father, works on me. That is exactly why I can trust in the Lord with all my hearts. The more I know about God the more I am awaken by his love to heal me from the inside out. I can only continue to pray for more healing. I have faith to believe in God and eventually I will not need to take psychiatric medications.

Q. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DEPRESSION AND BIPOLAR DISORDER?

The main difference between bipolar disorder and major depression is the presence of manic episodes. This is why depression alone is not enough to diagnose an individual with bipolar. However, one manic episode is sufficient to make a bipolar diagnosis.
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Loving My Mother-In-Law



My Lord, 

I pray for my Mother-In-Law who may not have given me the gift of life, but life has given me the gift of her. The bond between us is an eternal one. Because it's not DNA, flesh or blood-- but heart that makes us family. I thank her for loving me as her own. I may never have a picture-perfect relationship with my Mother-In-Law, but I can love her the way Christ calls me to—the way you love me. As I pray for my Mother-In-Law, my heart softens. I am honestly ashamed at the times in the past I’ve vented about my mother-in-law in front of my husband. When I complained about my Mother-In-Law it isn’t respectful to her, and it hurts my husband. Please forgive me, my Lord. I am no perfect human being. And although the manner in which she treats me have always been kind and out of love, but sometimes it’s misunderstood and the way I’ve reacted isn’t exactly tasteful. I am so blessed to have my Mother-In-Law in my life. She is always there for me and I am healing with her help. Jesus my Lord, I have to make myself constantly aware of the fact that I am a sinner in need of God’s grace. I am no greater than her or anyone else. We are both in dire need of your love and refinement, my God. Your love towards me isn’t conditional, and my love for my Mother-In-Law is unconditional. I am confident that you, God, has a plan for our relationship. 

I also want to take this directly to you as I pray for it. My Mother-In-Law’s heart is pure; her intentions clear. I ask for your guidance and your help in finding a soul mate for my Mother-In-Law, her most perfect partner who is a person of means. She seek a partner who enhances her by very being. Who brings more love, joy, peace and prosperity to her life. Who she can love fully and who can fully receive her love. Who loves, honors and cherishes her completely, and always. May she know love when her true love comes to her. May she let love in. May she be willing to allow her soul to know the truth. May her heart be open and her head be clear. May her life be ready to welcome true love. Please restore her faith in love and divine timing. Bring true love to her, in the right time, for the right reasons. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 
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Speaking In Tongue

I understand speaking in tongues is a spiritual gift that can be manifested as either a human language or a heavenly supernatural language. I have a lot of natural fear regarding speaking in tongues. It was as though I had a mental block, even though I desired it. I really struggled to overcome those things. I haven't slept. I lay in bed in my room and said, “God please filled me up with the Holy Spirit and put me to sleep. It's a sunny day today. Suddenly everything got blurry I had a vision seeing red and trees burning up in flames...fire...then darkness. I texted this to all my sisters-in-Christ. Then Chi Tinh called and we talked and prayed and then something supernatural happened. I heard myself start with just a few little syllables as I lay there in my bed holding the phone. I began with just tiny little sounds, and I thought, What is that? That’s not even a word, that’s like baby babble. Well, I felt like a small child learning to speak. Why am I speaking like this way? Then bright lights appeared from nowhere almost blinding me. Why am I seeing lights all of the sudden? What does this mean?

 My natural mind tried to tell me I was just making it up, that it wasn’t real, and even that I was doing it wrong. I told the Lord, “I don’t know if this is really my prayer language or not; it doesn’t sound very clear.” But in my head I just continued praying in the spirit in faith, and those little sounds and syllables didn’t turn into words or into sentences. I don’t know what was happening but I trust the Lord, and just keep going because I couldn't stop myself. Truly, I can’t mess this up: this might be a gift from God that I pray for. I want to receive it but I’m unsure how to do it. I panic and hung up on Chi Tinh. She called back and I managed to talk normal asking her what just happened. I'm so overwhelmed and exhausted. 
She said, "Lena, you spoke in tongue."  

 I remember I closed my eyes and see red then had this vision of burning trees. This vision came suddenly and shortly after God gave me the gift of speaking in tongues. It came out from my mouth at mind-boggling speed.  

The vision really bothered me for some reason for I knew it meant something to me, but also did not know what that was. I thank God for today but also told Him everything is too much to comprehend it all. I have to understand the vision he gave me. I googled it and found this interpretation: 

* Red symbolizes the love of God represented through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.

* Fire is a symbol of destruction, passion, danger, energy, transformation and ideas. 

* Tree symbolizes security, growth, stability, protection, acquiring greater knowledge and wisdom.

I think I get it. The vision means the love of God who put me through trials of transformation for growth, stability, protection, and then acquiring greater knowledge. I also saw bright lights confirming Jesus revealed himself again to teach me. I have gain more wisdom from this experience. 
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Praying For People With Mental Illness

Loving God, 


You are always near to us, especially when we are weak, suffering and vulnerable. Reach out to those who experience mental illness. Lift their burdens, calm their anxiety, and quiet their fears. Surround them with your healing presence that they may know that they are not alone. For those of us who suffer from some form of mental illness, we seek your presence in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones. Give us courage to face our challenges and open us today to the many ways you are already working in our midst.


Help us to identify mental illness as the disease it is, that we might have courage and wisdom in the face of ignorance and stigma. Inspire us as we seek to overcome fear, acquire knowledge, and advocate for compassionate and enlightened treatment and services. 


We confess that we have judged those who struggle with mental illness. We have judged because we do not understand. Forgive us for making assumptions. Forgive us for our indifference. Comfort and relieve those who are troubled in mind and spirit. Bring them hope, peace and the consolation of a loving community. Grant patience and courage to the families and friends of those who are ill. Increase their perseverance as they face challenges to recovery for their loved one. Protect and defend those living with mental illness from exploitation, addictions and abuse.

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer. In your name, Jesus Christ, Amen. 

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Hindrances To Healing

There are many hindrances to healing. One of the main hindrances is unbelief. Unbelief is a challenge that many people encounter in the course of their Christian lives. There are times when fear, doubt and one’s own mental issues hinder the amount of faith one can muster at one point. In other instances, the issue lies in unrepented sin and not being in line with God’s will. God cannot heal someone who is not in line with what is required. The enemy uses sin as an avenue for attacks and some of these come in the form of sickness. Another challenge is unforgiveness. People who carry burdens from their past and resentment for others do not receive healing because they are weighed down by this issue. A human hindrance comes in the form of pride. People need to shed their pride and humble themselves before God can move in their lives. In order to overcome these hindrances, it calls for intense study of the Word and a buildup of one’s faith. What a person does not believe in cannot bring about healing. Everyone needs to be immersed in God for healing to take place.

If the person I am praying for had feeling of resentment, bitterness or anger, I could tell them that they need to let this go before anything changes in their lives. Unforgiveness is a burden that the enemy uses to keep one from focusing on God and everything that he can do in an individual’s life. 

In my case, I had three supernatural experiences at Giver of Life Church that I don't fully understand because I vaguely remember the details of what really happened to me. All I remember I reacted negatively and I woke up laying on the floor in tears. No one told what I done. I had amnesia. This is called short-term memory loss that I forget things I heard, saw, or did during those times. I stopped going to that church because I keep getting triggered every time I go there. I started having nightmares I can't understand. This really messed me up mentally and it worsen when I realized my dreams are actually my memories that returned slowly in bits and pieces then I interpreted it wrong when I tried to make sense of it all on my own. I was so consumed with my own emotions in which I reacted negatively and was oppressed by the darkness. I won’t let go. I had tunnel vision and couldn’t see anything beyond the unsettling misinterpretations that came from the madness of my own mind. I was so angry because I had so much fear. For the longest time I thought I was traumatized. I am walking on a path to recovery but I have been plagued for a long time with a heaviness on my heart that robs my peace and joy. It weighs me down that I cannot accept any help from other Christians. I despised anyone touching me and supposedly pray for me. A sense of oppression would descend upon me for that reason. I’ve held onto some serious resentment towards the pastor at Giver of Life Church. I came to her church seeking help but the kind of help that I received was wrong. It was my first time attended a charismatic church. I was not prepared for that kind of environment especially not when I was so low in the depressive state, my mind was very unstable. I was overstimulated that made me reacted very badly and the situation made me so severely stress that it triggered my mind to become dissociative which was caused by my mental illness. When I found out the Pastor and everyone at that church believed I was demon possessed and what I believe what they did to me was an exorcism, I was in rage. I refused to talk to anyone.  

So, is it their fault?  Maybe, maybe not. I knew I should forgive them, but I could not bring myself to do it and held a grudge for 3 years because I did not feel they deserve my forgiveness.

Couple years later I met Theresa, a leader at Hunger School, who invited me to attend an event at ICC Church to hear Chris Overstreet speak. So I went with my Mother-in-Law, she asked me to listen with my heart and be open to anything the Lord might say to me. During the reversed prayer time, Pastor Chuck came to me and laid his hands on me to pray but my mind automatically rejected his help and I subconsciously fought against it. That moment I become somewhat dissociated and altered to another identity, my overprotective part, who wanted to come out and take control but I wouldn't let the switch completely happen. From the outside appearance it looked like I was fighting Pastor Chuck but truthfully I was fighting within myself to stay present and not be totally dissociated. It’s complicated to explain this mental disorder. I remember I had a hard time hearing because I was going in and out of consciousness. 

However, what touched my heart was when Pastor Chuck told me to let myself surrender and have freedom. When I felt my body slowly falling to the floor, immediately I refused and resisted fighting back. I don't want to repeat having another episode of dissociation to lose myself to another part in me and have amnesia. I forced my mind to be present and tried to stay standing but then I fell down on my knees. I cried. I'm not fighting anyone. I just can't let my mind go and I refused to collapsed on the floor. I didn't know how to communicate being in this chaotic state when my mind is disoriented. When I can hear, I heard people telling me I am safe and they are sorry. This touched my heart and it made me relaxed a little. I felt no more danger. Pastor Chuck asked if he can give me a hug and I said yes. Then someone took me into a different room away from everybody in the main room which I was so grateful. 

Chris Overstreet came up to me and said he felt I have a lot of deep unforgiveness inside me. He begin to work on me in the room privately. He said God love me, while disapproving of that person's actions. The Lord made it clear to him to tell me that the abuse was not my fault. He said that the Lord truly loved everyone, caused me to have a change of heart. I was able to talk to Chris Overstreet and received his prayers. As I looked up from my protective posture, I thought about all of the reasons why I should not forgive which were no longer valid. Chris Overstreet asked if I was ready to forgive and I said yes. He asked me to say a prayer with him but deep down I know I am still holding on to the past and I can’t completely let go because it is not that easy. 

It took awhile for me to have more clarity, I’m not sick, I understand why every time I see lights it would take me back to my experiences at Giver of Life, as if, the angels are telling me I needed closure and reconciliation over the misunderstanding I held on for so long. Jesus want me to reconcile with Pastor Selina and make peace. I understand now using the word exorcism is incorrect. What I went through and received was God’s deliverance. I returned back to Giver of Life and share my testimony. I finally found closure and let go. I am obeying my Father God and this is the reason why I am taking this Physical Healing course to understand more about spiritual healing because I believe I have experienced it. When I made the choice to forgive, the feelings that had been compromising my life-anger, resentment, fear, misunderstanding, and confusion -- left my heart. Forgiving brought peace to my heart as I continue healing.  
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