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Tina In My Dream


Tina visited me in my dream. She told me to tell her family she is sorry for leaving. She love all of you. She told me she wants everyone to be strong for her because she is in a good place, resting in peace. I was completely mesmerized by the sound of her voice, so angelic. Seeing her was a beautiful sight to behold. She was a vision of loveliness and I was enchanted by the peaceful look on her face. She said to me, “don’t forget to tell them I will always be in their heart.” Then she floated up and slowly faded into the light. The magical moment was over. Then, it really hit me. She is gone. 


I woke up I realized that it was a dream and I wanted to go back to sleep, just so that I see Tina again. I tried but the dream never came back again.


Tina‘s message to trust that she is at peace and for us to accept this and move on. One of her gift to us was always to give us strength. So we have to be strong for her and continue on to live a good life because that’s what she would have wanted. I know we will all miss Tina, but let's celebrate her life and remember all the sweet memories of her. We need to hold onto those moments. That’s how she would like to be remember. She wouldn't want it any other way.  


Tina, I miss you. I love you. RIP, my special friend. 

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Physical Healing Prayer For Mother-In-Law

Five Steps Prayer Model

 

Interview

At home, my Mother-In-Law, in her early-60 approached me and asked whether I could pray for her. "What do you want me to pray for?" I asked. She said that she had work long hours. I asked what she would like the prayers for, and she said that for months she had been experiencing back pain especially around the lower pelvic area and pain in her left leg. She told me how on several occasions she could neither seat nor stand she could only lie down for comfort because the pain was unbearable when seated or when standing. According to my Mother-In-Law, this back pain near the pelvic had affected both her personal life and work. She could not do any task for a long period before the pain reoccurred. This was the third month she was experiencing this pain although she said that she did not feel the pain every time. There were specific times that the pain appeared for example at night and after bending, seating or standing for a long time. Although she did not know what exactly caused the pain, she was sure that sleeping on her mattress made her situation worse so she bought a new mattress. When I asked whether she could remember how this problem began, she said that at first, she thought it was the normal back pain after doing tiring tasks such as working at her job. However, she realized that something was wrong when the pain kept recurring almost every night and after doing simple tasks. I asked her if she had fallen before and maybe got injured on the pelvic bone. She told me no.

 

Prayer Selection

Having gotten the important facts about my Mother-In-Law’s issue, I was ready to proceed to the next step. I asked myself which was the most appropriate prayer that I should pray to help her. I silently asked the Holy Spirit to take control and guide me for I was just being used as a vessel in helping my Mother-In-Law. I told my mom it is only God who heals, only that He uses human beings to release His healing power and blessings. Whenever I want to begin praying for someone, I always ask for permission whether it was okay to lay my hands on her back and legs and my Mother-In-Law was okay with that. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and directed me to use both the petition and the command. The Spirit wanted me to intercede on her behalf and to command the illness to leave her. The first step was to ask the Holy Spirit to come nearer and speak because His servant was listening. I commanded her back to get healed and commanded the spirit of the disease to leave her. I asked God to heal her from her pain. I prayed for her healing when I was deep in Spirit. I commanded her back and left leg to get healed the same way Jesus Peter commanded the lame beggar to rise and walk (Acts 3:6). I also said a petition prayer requesting God to heal her. I prayed to God through Jesus Christ to release His healing power and let His spirit touch the back of my Mother-In-Law and relieve her from pain permanently.

 

My Prayer

“Holy Spirit, please come with your healing power. In the name of Jesus, I command my mom’s back and legs muscles to be healed. I command all bruising to leave and the effect of all the past bruising to be healed. In the name of Jesus, I command my mom’s back and legs muscles to be healed. I command all aches and pains to leave and the effect of all the past bruising to be healed, in Jesus’s name! I command all the muscles and ligaments in her back and legs to function normally so that she can move normally. I command any spirit of infirmity in my mom or in her back and legs to get out of her now! In the name of Jesus, I command any afflicting spirit to get out of her now! Your assignments are over! Thank you Jesus for the physical healing of my mom’s back and legs. Thank you for all you do for me, mom, David, and all my kids. Lord, we all know that only you can heal and regain strength. I am asking you in the power of prayer to heal my mom from the pain in her back and in her legs. Please, lord God help my mom to feel like herself again, regain her strength again, lord. I thank you for all you have done and continue doing for us. Father God, please come with Your healing touch and restore my mom. May Your miraculous power move through her being and may Your presence fill her heart. Lord, I lift up to You and I ask for Your healing power to fully heal every part of my mom’s body. I pray believing that this is the night for mom to be set free from her suffering. I could feel the presence of the Lord around coming to heal her. Lord, I ask that my mom be quickly transformed into radiant health as you respond to prayer and Your healing promises in Your Word. Please watch over her and grant that she may be restored to that perfect health which it is Yours alone to give; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Please bless mom and our family tonight with quality sleep. May she wake up tomorrow when she is fresh and rejuvenated. Bless our home and keep everyone safe. Cover mom with your wings of love tonight and when she wake up tomorrow help her to do so with a joyful smile. In Jesus’ Name, I pray, Amen.”


Prayer Ministry

I prayed believing that this was the day for my Mother-In-Law to be set free from her suffering. I could feel the presence of the Lord around coming to heal my Mother-In-Law. I believed in every word that came out of my mouth because I had faith that the Holy Spirit had taken control. As I was praying, I had asked my Mother-In-Law not to pray to be receiving every blessing I was requesting for her from God through Jesus. She had to be attentive because the Holy Spirit was visiting, and it is important to be keen to notice when the healing has occurred.  I also did not forget to thank God for what He had done in my Mother-In-Law’s life and for what He was going to do for her. I was praying with my eyes open because I also wanted to witness the doings of our Lord. She was willing we continue with the prayers although I kept them short and I also prayed persistently.

 

Stop and Interview

The first time I stopped and asked her how she was feeling she said that she still have some form of bone pain because apparently, she had stood there with me for some minutes. She was willing therefore I continued to pray persistently. I continued saying the short prayers and asking her how she was feeling. I would ask her questions to know what the Lord was doing. The third time I asked she said that she was feeling relieved. Three minutes later, the Spirit spoke to me and said that it was time to end the prayers. I removed my hands from her head and as a signal that the prayers were coming to an end. My Mother-In-Law was feeling a form of pain a few minutes ago and now she says that she feels the pain lessen but it is still there. The Lord haven’t healed her yet.

 

Post Prayer Suggestions

I asked her to be prayerful and continue being faithful to the Lord and to serve Him with all her soul. I asked her to still go for the doctor's appointment to get the remaining tests done. Tonight, she is not completely healed but she does feel better. I asked to always defend this healing and use it for the glorification of God's name. It is God’s will when she will be totally healed.

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Physical Healing Q&A

Q. Discuss why Jesus healed the sick. Use biblical passages for support.


Jesus healed the sick because it was a display of his power and divine authority. At the same time Jesus had compassion and that is why He focused on different diseases (Matt. 4:23; cf. 15:30–31), congenital disabilities (John 9; Mark 7:32–35); chronic situations(Luke 8:43–47); and even demon possession (Mark 5:1–16). Since Jesus cared for the people, he used his power and divine authority to provide them with relief and timely care. Jesus simply doesn’t allow us to base our faith for healing on certain actions that we can perform. We’re not healed by a ritual, we’re healed by Jesus. In (Luke 8), Jesus isn’t content with just physically healing the woman with the bleeding. He doesn’t want her just to go away physically healed, He wants to do something even more important; He wants her to know she is loved. 

This was exactly how I felt when Jesus came to me and started working on me. Jesus wants to calm my fears. He wants to talk with me, to reassure me. He helps me understand how I am being healed. And He makes my healing public so I can be welcomed back into the reality and not stay stuck in my mind. When we pray for the sick in the name of Jesus, this same love and compassion for us should be our motivation. Every person we pray for to be healed should leave feeling loved by us and reminded of God’s love for them, no matter what measure of healing has come. Jesus has authority over sickness and death. I didn’t know this same authority has been given to His followers, so praying for the sick should be a normal part of obedient Christian life.

I have two mental illnesses I’m struggling with and was sick for a long time. I lost my mind and I have been living in darkness. Today, I can now think clearly as the symptoms from my illnesses have been managed by medications. The last five years, I have been through the intensely high times. Every night, I reflect on the experiences that have shaped me. I am still healing slowly, and I know for a fact I did not do this all on my own. Much of who I am today can be attributed to God.

I believe in medicine and doctors, but now I strongly believe in divine healing. I've had several amazing experiences with Jesus where He intervened and revealed himself was at Giver of Life church. I didn't know back then, but I know now that my journey to healing had begun from there. But since I have been diagnosed with mental illness, I felt torn believing the experiences I had were caused from the illness. Being stable now, I believe there is more to it. I accept the diagnosis but the diagnosis and my belief in God goes hand in hand. I believe there is more to these experiences than putting it down to mental illness. I’m still trying to figure out deep spiritual meanings of my experiences. It is not so much about is it real or imaginary. Even though there may be a mental health aspect to these experiences, the meaning an individual connects with that experience is what is most important. 

Jesus heal the sick because he loves all his children of the light. He healed me in the best way he know how that will work only for me. Each of us have our own personal relationship with our Father. From the outside looking in no one can see but from the inside looking out I see and felt his healing power.  He broke me down so many times and put me through many trials for me to overcome so I can believe in him. My healing transformation begin when I completely surrender to Him. 

Q. Describe the five step prayer model and explain how you will use it during your case studies. 

The five step prayer model entails the Interview, the Diagnosis, Prayer Selection, Prayer Engagement and Post-Prayer Direction. It is intended for situations where an individual makes a prayer request. This model is applicable in the case studies because it is foundational in nature and provides a point of reference.

Q. What is a word of knowledge?

Word of knowledge is when the Holy Spirit exposes information to an individual that they would not have known in the natural world. For example, when praying for an individual, one can state things that he/she had not shared with you. Some scholars state that this is where God shares what He sees with an individual to enable His will to be done. Jesus and his disciples used the Word of knowledge in their work. When Peter stated that Jesus was indeed the Son of God, Jesus was quick to point out that only the Holy spirit had shown this to him. The same way Jesus knew who was to betray him and shared this with the disciples in advance yet no one knew about Judas and his intentions.

Q. How can you apply knowledge from the Ministry Team Training Manual to your case studies?

I can apply knowledge from the Ministry Team Training Manual to my case studies to help ensure consistency in healing prayers. It may also ensure that all training information on skills, processes, and other information necessary to perform praying is together in one place.
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Word of Knowledge

The physical healing class started this week. I just finished writing this assignment after watching the video of Dr. Clark teaching about the Word of Knowledge. 

I found most helpful from Dr. Clark’s workshop when he defined the Word of Knowledge is the understanding of getting information from God where you couldn’t know in the natural and that knowledge are supernatural given. The gift of faith and the gift of miracles goes together. The four important words — “He is calling you.” Jesus healed all who came to him. Heal the sick and cast out demons are important and that’s what Jesus do.

Dr Clark said there are seven ways you can get the Word of Knowledge: You can feel it, you can think it, you can see it, you can read it, you can say it, you can experience it, you can dream it.

This remind me there were times when I am negatively affected from my experiences and reminiscing memories I had that were very intense mystical experiences at church. I believe I received the Word of Knowledge during these experiences that God was slowly healing me from my mental illnesses. 

I remember being very sick and haven’t slept for 3 days; I went to a new church for the first time. During worship I got so overstimulated. I have never been to a charismatic church. I felt disoriented as I was forced to the front for my turn to receive healing, I didn’t understand what was happening. I was petrified. I was no longer in the right state of mind, I become dysfunctional and dissociated. That night I mentally disappeared and different alters took control over my body, parts of the experience that night had vanished into a black hole of lost memories - leaving me vulnerable to vivid flashbacks in dreams. I knew something happened at church but couldn’t recall the experiences for 3 weeks then it finally dawned on me the dreams were real memories that was slowly returning. The experiences resulted me having dreams that were in bits and pieces of memories that I suppressed. 

1. I dream it, I dreamed about the experiences at the church many times. In the dreams I felt a profound disconnection from my body, floating outside me and observing myself from the distance. The dreams brought me back to the incidents at the church. From the perspective of my mentally ill mind that interpreted the dreams like this — I was at church I saw I was a baby (my inner child) crying on the floor and I felt I was in danger. I saw myself from above that I switched to another alter I called Beast (my protector) came to the rescue. I felt Beast intense energy. I had the vision of Beast being cornered against the wall in front of the church. Dark shadows were surrounded her so she ran, crawled, kicked, jumped over rows of chairs to escape pushing everyone away. There was a light so bright made Beast fell to the floor as many hands were trying to hold her down. Then that moment I saw myself switched into a another different alter named Lola (the dominant director). 

2. I say it, when Lola looked straight into that pastor’s eyes and told her to stop. I saw in my dream the pastor yelled in Lola’s face, “No! You demon. What is your name?!” Lola didn’t response then I saw myself switched back to the baby and cried. I woke up from that dream feeling disoriented. 

From a reality perspective the dream was a real occurrence and I know now it was from a fight-or-flight experience in which triggered the Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), my mental illness. I was frightened to death and couldn’t cope at that time, so I become dissociated, and my Parts took over my body to help me. The baby, Beast, and Lola are all me as one but my mind can split into different separate Alters to dealt with the extremely stressful situation. The people at the church witnessing what is medically called “switching” that they didn’t understand so they tried to performed an exorcism on me. After I gained my conscious back I had amnesia. No one tried to explain anything to me. 

During the second experience I was standing in front of the pastor and holding her hands for her to pray on me. I saw a blindly bright light and two things happened. From the outside, I was still physically there not knowing I was fighting the pastor, I fell on the floor spinning in circle, then levitated from the ground going to the cross with my eyes closed, and held on to it crying uncontrollably. From the inside, I mentally I went deep inside my mind and see myself sitting on a chair in a dark room as I cried out repeatedly, “I can’t hear you, Pastor!” I felt a powerful force crashed through the wall and a heavenly strong hand grabbed mine and pulled me out from my own mind. I woke up to the reality not knowing what really happened. I put the experiences aside because no one talked to me about it. 

Then the third experience there at church we were watching the movie Passion of Christ. When suddenly I looked up in the ceiling and saw bright lights that scared me so I ran from it and blindly crawled under rows of chairs trying to hide. People were trying to pull me out from there but I was extremely strong and held on tight refused to come out. I heard a spiritual voice said, “feel me.” Instead of obeying, I was set in my own way becoming dissociative. I lost time and laid on the floor hearing a voice told me to, “feel me,” inside my head. I cried like I never cried before in my life as I felt excruciating pain all over my body. I screamed out because it was so painful beyond words. 

3. I feel it, the pain that was not my pain. I believe I felt the pain of Jesus when he was crucified on the cross. 

4. I see it, I thought the bright flashing lights in my vision were there to harm me but it was truly the lights were angels holding me up instead. 

5. I think it, God supernaturally showed me the angelic hosts who were there to protect me from what these experiences could have been - a catastrophic situation. The pain I felt was Jesus’s pain dying on the cross for us. I had tunnel vision and I can’t be put in a box. 

6. I experienced it, I can now see beyond my own pain and suffering because I felt the emotions from Jesus. I can feel other’s people pain too. I am firmly convinced that God sent angels to advise me. It’s very terrifying to be touched by the heavens like this. Having felt what I felt was not exaggerating. 

7. I read it, the verses in the Bible I see when Jesus intervened as he wants me to feel his emotions. Fear always swept over me; I was not prepared  for those experiences I had at this church. God put me there teaching me something I couldn’t comprehend because he has given me something supernatural to allow me to heal myself. 

I can apply these insights into my own practice because I received the Word of Knowledge I've had what might be described as a spiritual experiences in all seven ways Dr. Clark said that were so profound that it completely changed the way I viewed reality and I can honestly say hand on heart this was 100% true with no stretch of imagination, this happened exactly like this.  
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Questions About Bipolar Disorder

Q. WHAT IS BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that affects the chemicals in my brain and causes changes in mood and behavior that are often not my normal responses. The emotions I experience can be inappropriate or exaggerated responses to a situation, can feel very real to me. More technically, bipolar disorder is a genetically transmitted medical illness that affects brain chemistry. It results in abnormal regulation of nerve cells that are responsible for controlling strong emotions and causes intense episodes of either mania or depression as well as wide variety of others symptoms. It is combination of biochemical, genetic and environmental factors that may trigger the chemical imbalances in the brain that causes severe shifts in my mood and energy, making it difficult for me to function normally. It’s fundamentally a biological medical illness involving an impaired ability to stabilize certain aspects of my brain chemistry. 

Q. WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF BIPOLAR DISORDER?

Bipolar disorder causes repeated severe mood swings, or episodes, that make me feel very high (mania) or very low (depressive) with wide range of symptoms in between. I use my own body to create a natural high in place of drugs. It's called adrenaline, and my body naturally make it, but just like drugs, alcohol, and other things, I can become addicted to it that’s why I always crave to be manic. The excess adrenaline always keep me up at night because my brain have so much energy, I can’t sleep. 

Mania Episode Signs and Symptoms:
  • Increased energy from excess adrenaline
  • Increased involvement in goal-directed activities 
  • Euphoric mood, don’t feel sick, won’t take medication 
  • Racing thoughts, oversharing 
  • Rapidly talking, texting, writing, and jumping between ideas that others have difficult time getting a word into the conversation. 
  • Starting projects I am confident will change the world
  • Lack of concern for how family members and friends feel about my behavior. 
  • No sleep for 1-3 days or longer 
  • Heightened sense of self-importance
  • Spending sprees
  • Being my own doctor to find a cure for illness
  • Religious psychosis/Hyper-religiosity
  • Loss of appetite, unintended weight loss
  • Denial that anything is wrong
  • Believe to be fully-functioning person
  • Psychotic symptoms (more severe psychotic symptoms are only seen in full-blown mania)
  • With full-blown mania, I eventually can’t function on my own and must go to the hospital or be quarantine at home under strict care from family. 
  • Loss of all contact with reality. 
Depressive Episode Signs and Symptoms: 
  • Sad, anxious or empty-feeling mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism
  • Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities
  • Lack of energy, fatigue
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Can’t make a decision, when I do, it never feels right 
  • Restlessness and irritability
  • Sleeping too much for 1-3 days
  • Binge eating, unintended weight gain
  • Psychotic symptoms: delusional and hallucinations
  • Unable to function doing daily tasks
  • Isolate from everyone 
  • Difficulty expressing feelings/thoughts 
  • Neediness, anxiety, distorted thoughts
  • Paranoid ideas: People are talking about me.  
  • Feeling easily overwhelmed 
  • Oversensitivity 
  • Over analyzing everything 
  • Brain racing and looping — one thought keeps going through my mind over and over again. 
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
Q. HOW IS BIPOLAR DISORDER DIAGNOSED?

Bipolar disorder cannot yet be diagnosed physiologically by blood tests or brain scans. Currently, diagnosis is based on symptoms, course of illness, and family history.  Mental illnesses run in my family. The different types of bipolar disorder are diagnosed based on the pattern and severity of manic and depressive episodes.
  • Bipolar I Disorder is mainly defined by manic or mixed episodes with symptoms that can be so severe that needs immediate hospital care. The symptoms of mania or depression must be a major change from normal behavior. I got diagnosed having this type of bipolar. My episodes and symptoms are mostly manic that can be manifested into full-blown mania then I always crash into a depressive episodes with symptoms that can get so severe I cannot function at all. My manic highs often just look like enthusiasm. My lows I keep hidden from most people. 
  • Bipolar II Disorder is defined by a pattern of depressive episodes shifting back and forth with hypomanic episodes, but no full-blown manic or mixed episodes. 
  • Bipolar III Disorder is with numerous major depressive episodes, often with only brief periods of wellness yet no manic or hypomanic episodes. The manic is dormant and may never be unlocked unless certain drugs ignite it as there is a strong tendency for severe manias to erupt when the person takes prescribed antidepressants, stimulants, or steroids, or if there is substance abuse. 
  • Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (BP-NOS) is diagnosed when a person has symptoms of the illness that do not meet diagnostic criteria for either bipolar I or II. The symptoms may not last long enough, or the person may have too few symptoms, to be diagnosed with bipolar I or II. However, the symptoms are clearly out of the person's normal range of behavior.
  • Rapid-cycling bipolar disorder is when a person have four or more episodes of major depression, mania, hypomania, or mixed symptoms within a year. This type of bipolar is me, too. 
  • Cyclothymic Disorder, or Cyclothymia, is a mild form of bipolar disorder. People who have cyclothymia have episodes of hypomania that shift back and forth with mild depression for at least two years. However, the symptoms do not meet the diagnostic requirements for any other type of bipolar disorder.
  • Hyperthymia is described long-term, continuous hypomanic behavior. This may seen as a temperamental or personality style characterized by gregariousness, high energy, a decreased need for sleep, enthusiasm, irritability, and rapid speech. 
Q. HOW IS BIPOLAR DISORDER TREATED?

While no cure exists for bipolar disorder, it is treatable and manageable with psychotherapy and medications. Mood stabilizers, like lithium, or anticonvulsant drugs are commonly prescribed to help manage the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Your doctor may also recommend other types of medication, such as antidepressants and antianxiety and antipsychotic drugs. 

It took me a long time to really come to terms with bipolar disorder. I kept hoping it would just go away. I know I was super hard on myself for years because I couldn't seem to get my act together. It was a loss to realize that this is my life. It's not going to go away. I learn to manage it. I would tell myself nothing will ever get better. But it does get better. Year after year and month after month I manage my symptoms more successfully, and each time is better than the last. My depressions are much shorter now and as long as I stay on my medications and watch my lifestyle I don't get too manic. I still become hypomania once or twice a week but the episode is not severe. This is something my psychiatrist and I are currently working on. My medication continue to get adjusted because we haven't find the correct combination of medications that will regulate me to sleep consistently every night. I am currently on Lithium and Zyprexa injectable, this medication is given to me by injection every four weeks. The injection help to lessen the stress having to remember to take a pill every day and I will have the correct dosage in my system. Mood changes and having symptoms can still occur even when I am being treated but full-blown episodes is averted by adjusting my treatment. 

Q. DO I NEED MEDICATION, OR CAN I BE TREATED EFFECTIVELY WITHOUT IT? 

Learning to live with a serious lifelong illness takes so much adjustment. I have to look at my life differently than I expected. The brain I thought would be there when I need it often malfunctions and wrecks my life. The body I thought would take care of me gets sick easily.  Talking about the feelings I have surrounding my diagnosis is a positive first step in learning to live with bipolar disorder without it taking over my life. I have the ability to take charge of bipolar disorder. I can't do it with medications only, and I can't do it alone. I believe with the combination of science and spiritual intervention helped a lot. I will never forget that I am the one who lives with the illness. It’s not my fault I have this illness but it’s my responsibility to stay well. I will keep myself well enough to have a clear enough brain to make my own decisions. I have a system in place to take care of me when my brain isn't well enough to take care of me. I find that the more I live in the reality of the fact that I have a mental illness, the more proud I am of my considerable accomplishment of staying alive and creating a really good life. It really is about the choices I make when I am well. The more prevention I can do during the stable times, the more able I will be to recognize, treat, and end the mood swings before they go too far. 

At the end of the day, I am the core. The person God made me. My healing and recovery are mostly from God. He wants to heal my whole person. Through love and support from Father God, my wonderful husband, and close friends, I wouldn't of made it. Even in the midst of turmoil, God sticks with me and uses challenges to shape me. When I understand that, my perspective completely flips. No longer do I see my illness as a failure, I see it as moments when God, my loving Father, works on me. That is exactly why I can trust in the Lord with all my hearts. The more I know about God the more I am awaken by his love to heal me from the inside out. I can only continue to pray for more healing. I have faith to believe in God and eventually I will not need to take psychiatric medications.

Q. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DEPRESSION AND BIPOLAR DISORDER?

The main difference between bipolar disorder and major depression is the presence of manic episodes. This is why depression alone is not enough to diagnose an individual with bipolar. However, one manic episode is sufficient to make a bipolar diagnosis.
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Loving My Mother-In-Law



My Lord, 

I pray for my Mother-In-Law who may not have given me the gift of life, but life has given me the gift of her. The bond between us is an eternal one. Because it's not DNA, flesh or blood-- but heart that makes us family. I thank her for loving me as her own. I may never have a picture-perfect relationship with my Mother-In-Law, but I can love her the way Christ calls me to—the way you love me. As I pray for my Mother-In-Law, my heart softens. I am honestly ashamed at the times in the past I’ve vented about my mother-in-law in front of my husband. When I complained about my Mother-In-Law it isn’t respectful to her, and it hurts my husband. Please forgive me, my Lord. I am no perfect human being. And although the manner in which she treats me have always been kind and out of love, but sometimes it’s misunderstood and the way I’ve reacted isn’t exactly tasteful. I am so blessed to have my Mother-In-Law in my life. She is always there for me and I am healing with her help. Jesus my Lord, I have to make myself constantly aware of the fact that I am a sinner in need of God’s grace. I am no greater than her or anyone else. We are both in dire need of your love and refinement, my God. Your love towards me isn’t conditional, and my love for my Mother-In-Law is unconditional. I am confident that you, God, has a plan for our relationship. 

I also want to take this directly to you as I pray for it. My Mother-In-Law’s heart is pure; her intentions clear. I ask for your guidance and your help in finding a soul mate for my Mother-In-Law, her most perfect partner who is a person of means. She seek a partner who enhances her by very being. Who brings more love, joy, peace and prosperity to her life. Who she can love fully and who can fully receive her love. Who loves, honors and cherishes her completely, and always. May she know love when her true love comes to her. May she let love in. May she be willing to allow her soul to know the truth. May her heart be open and her head be clear. May her life be ready to welcome true love. Please restore her faith in love and divine timing. Bring true love to her, in the right time, for the right reasons. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 
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Speaking In Tongue

I understand speaking in tongues is a spiritual gift that can be manifested as either a human language or a heavenly supernatural language. I have a lot of natural fear regarding speaking in tongues. It was as though I had a mental block, even though I desired it. I really struggled to overcome those things. I haven't slept. I lay in bed in my room and said, “God please filled me up with the Holy Spirit and put me to sleep. It's a sunny day today. Suddenly everything got blurry I had a vision seeing red and trees burning up in flames...fire...then darkness. I texted this to all my sisters-in-Christ. Then Chi Tinh called and we talked and prayed and then something supernatural happened. I heard myself start with just a few little syllables as I lay there in my bed holding the phone. I began with just tiny little sounds, and I thought, What is that? That’s not even a word, that’s like baby babble. Well, I felt like a small child learning to speak. Why am I speaking like this way? Then bright lights appeared from nowhere almost blinding me. Why am I seeing lights all of the sudden? What does this mean?

 My natural mind tried to tell me I was just making it up, that it wasn’t real, and even that I was doing it wrong. I told the Lord, “I don’t know if this is really my prayer language or not; it doesn’t sound very clear.” But in my head I just continued praying in the spirit in faith, and those little sounds and syllables didn’t turn into words or into sentences. I don’t know what was happening but I trust the Lord, and just keep going because I couldn't stop myself. Truly, I can’t mess this up: this might be a gift from God that I pray for. I want to receive it but I’m unsure how to do it. I panic and hung up on Chi Tinh. She called back and I managed to talk normal asking her what just happened. I'm so overwhelmed and exhausted. 
She said, "Lena, you spoke in tongue."  

 I remember I closed my eyes and see red then had this vision of burning trees. This vision came suddenly and shortly after God gave me the gift of speaking in tongues. It came out from my mouth at mind-boggling speed.  

The vision really bothered me for some reason for I knew it meant something to me, but also did not know what that was. I thank God for today but also told Him everything is too much to comprehend it all. I have to understand the vision he gave me. I googled it and found this interpretation: 

* Red symbolizes the love of God represented through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.

* Fire is a symbol of destruction, passion, danger, energy, transformation and ideas. 

* Tree symbolizes security, growth, stability, protection, acquiring greater knowledge and wisdom.

I think I get it. The vision means the love of God who put me through trials of transformation for growth, stability, protection, and then acquiring greater knowledge. I also saw bright lights confirming Jesus revealed himself again to teach me. I have gain more wisdom from this experience. 
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Praying For People With Mental Illness

Loving God, 


You are always near to us, especially when we are weak, suffering and vulnerable. Reach out to those who experience mental illness. Lift their burdens, calm their anxiety, and quiet their fears. Surround them with your healing presence that they may know that they are not alone. For those of us who suffer from some form of mental illness, we seek your presence in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones. Give us courage to face our challenges and open us today to the many ways you are already working in our midst.


Help us to identify mental illness as the disease it is, that we might have courage and wisdom in the face of ignorance and stigma. Inspire us as we seek to overcome fear, acquire knowledge, and advocate for compassionate and enlightened treatment and services. 


We confess that we have judged those who struggle with mental illness. We have judged because we do not understand. Forgive us for making assumptions. Forgive us for our indifference. Comfort and relieve those who are troubled in mind and spirit. Bring them hope, peace and the consolation of a loving community. Grant patience and courage to the families and friends of those who are ill. Increase their perseverance as they face challenges to recovery for their loved one. Protect and defend those living with mental illness from exploitation, addictions and abuse.

Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayer. In your name, Jesus Christ, Amen. 

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Hindrances To Healing

There are many hindrances to healing. One of the main hindrances is unbelief. Unbelief is a challenge that many people encounter in the course of their Christian lives. There are times when fear, doubt and one’s own mental issues hinder the amount of faith one can muster at one point. In other instances, the issue lies in unrepented sin and not being in line with God’s will. God cannot heal someone who is not in line with what is required. The enemy uses sin as an avenue for attacks and some of these come in the form of sickness. Another challenge is unforgiveness. People who carry burdens from their past and resentment for others do not receive healing because they are weighed down by this issue. A human hindrance comes in the form of pride. People need to shed their pride and humble themselves before God can move in their lives. In order to overcome these hindrances, it calls for intense study of the Word and a buildup of one’s faith. What a person does not believe in cannot bring about healing. Everyone needs to be immersed in God for healing to take place.

If the person I am praying for had feeling of resentment, bitterness or anger, I could tell them that they need to let this go before anything changes in their lives. Unforgiveness is a burden that the enemy uses to keep one from focusing on God and everything that he can do in an individual’s life. 

In my case, I had three supernatural experiences at Giver of Life Church that I don't fully understand because I vaguely remember the details of what really happened to me. All I remember I reacted negatively and I woke up laying on the floor in tears. No one told what I done. I had amnesia. This is called short-term memory loss that I forget things I heard, saw, or did during those times. I stopped going to that church because I keep getting triggered every time I go there. I started having nightmares I can't understand. This really messed me up mentally and it worsen when I realized my dreams are actually my memories that returned slowly in bits and pieces then I interpreted it wrong when I tried to make sense of it all on my own. I was so consumed with my own emotions in which I reacted negatively and was oppressed by the darkness. I won’t let go. I had tunnel vision and couldn’t see anything beyond the unsettling misinterpretations that came from the madness of my own mind. I was so angry because I had so much fear. For the longest time I thought I was traumatized. I am walking on a path to recovery but I have been plagued for a long time with a heaviness on my heart that robs my peace and joy. It weighs me down that I cannot accept any help from other Christians. I despised anyone touching me and supposedly pray for me. A sense of oppression would descend upon me for that reason. I’ve held onto some serious resentment towards the pastor at Giver of Life Church. I came to her church seeking help but the kind of help that I received was wrong. It was my first time attended a charismatic church. I was not prepared for that kind of environment especially not when I was so low in the depressive state, my mind was very unstable. I was overstimulated that made me reacted very badly and the situation made me so severely stress that it triggered my mind to become dissociative which was caused by my mental illness. When I found out the Pastor and everyone at that church believed I was demon possessed and what I believe what they did to me was an exorcism, I was in rage. I refused to talk to anyone.  

So, is it their fault?  Maybe, maybe not. I knew I should forgive them, but I could not bring myself to do it and held a grudge for 3 years because I did not feel they deserve my forgiveness.

Couple years later I met Theresa, a leader at Hunger School, who invited me to attend an event at ICC Church to hear Chris Overstreet speak. So I went with my Mother-in-Law, she asked me to listen with my heart and be open to anything the Lord might say to me. During the reversed prayer time, Pastor Chuck came to me and laid his hands on me to pray but my mind automatically rejected his help and I subconsciously fought against it. That moment I become somewhat dissociated and altered to another identity, my overprotective part, who wanted to come out and take control but I wouldn't let the switch completely happen. From the outside appearance it looked like I was fighting Pastor Chuck but truthfully I was fighting within myself to stay present and not be totally dissociated. It’s complicated to explain this mental disorder. I remember I had a hard time hearing because I was going in and out of consciousness. 

However, what touched my heart was when Pastor Chuck told me to let myself surrender and have freedom. When I felt my body slowly falling to the floor, immediately I refused and resisted fighting back. I don't want to repeat having another episode of dissociation to lose myself to another part in me and have amnesia. I forced my mind to be present and tried to stay standing but then I fell down on my knees. I cried. I'm not fighting anyone. I just can't let my mind go and I refused to collapsed on the floor. I didn't know how to communicate being in this chaotic state when my mind is disoriented. When I can hear, I heard people telling me I am safe and they are sorry. This touched my heart and it made me relaxed a little. I felt no more danger. Pastor Chuck asked if he can give me a hug and I said yes. Then someone took me into a different room away from everybody in the main room which I was so grateful. 

Chris Overstreet came up to me and said he felt I have a lot of deep unforgiveness inside me. He begin to work on me in the room privately. He said God love me, while disapproving of that person's actions. The Lord made it clear to him to tell me that the abuse was not my fault. He said that the Lord truly loved everyone, caused me to have a change of heart. I was able to talk to Chris Overstreet and received his prayers. As I looked up from my protective posture, I thought about all of the reasons why I should not forgive which were no longer valid. Chris Overstreet asked if I was ready to forgive and I said yes. He asked me to say a prayer with him but deep down I know I am still holding on to the past and I can’t completely let go because it is not that easy. 

It took awhile for me to have more clarity, I’m not sick, I understand why every time I see lights it would take me back to my experiences at Giver of Life, as if, the angels are telling me I needed closure and reconciliation over the misunderstanding I held on for so long. Jesus want me to reconcile with Pastor Selina and make peace. I understand now using the word exorcism is incorrect. What I went through and received was God’s deliverance. I returned back to Giver of Life and share my testimony. I finally found closure and let go. I am obeying my Father God and this is the reason why I am taking this Physical Healing course to understand more about spiritual healing because I believe I have experienced it. When I made the choice to forgive, the feelings that had been compromising my life-anger, resentment, fear, misunderstanding, and confusion -- left my heart. Forgiving brought peace to my heart as I continue healing.  
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God’s Deliverance


I used to feel very uncomfortable going to a charismatic church and be around “very religious” people that speak in tongue. I avoided these people because I assumed that they’d either pressure me to do something I didn’t want to do, or they’d take one look at me and label me a bad Christian for not wanting to be a part of their particular beliefs. This was a very negative thought coming from me and me alone. This was my own feelings that my unhealthy mind created. My fear was so thick that I subconsciously avoided listening to God. When the Holy Spirit gave me the grace to see God, it was terrifying to me. I always run away and running the opposite direction from Him because my mind have trouble processing so then I would react in a flight-or-fight response and I become dissociated. It’s hard to explain the big meaningful interactions I’ve had with God. They tend to have a major you-had-to-be-there feel. I had a very hard time understanding it all. How can I possibly understand this when I am not in the right state of mind. People in the "right" state of mind barely understand this. 

People don't usually discuss spiritual encounters unless the person brings it up. It is a very personal thing. For a long time I couldn’t recall what really happened at Giver of Life. I finally have the strength to ask. 

I was told during one experience at Giver of Life I lost control was spinning on the ground and levitated up 3 inches from the ground that can be only explained as supernatural power. My eyes were closed but somehow I went towards the cross and held on tightly and burst into uncontrollable tears. When I opened my eyes I was laying on the floor with Pastor Selina. She held me and told me God loves me. 

I was told having another experience at Giver of Life I was running around the room, jumping on rows of chairs and crawled under chairs trying to escape, as if, I was being attacked. When I was blinded by a light that appeared from nowhere, I ran away. I couldn’t see with my eyes. I felt someone took over me. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. When I opened my eyes and I found myself on the floor I was so confused. Pastor Selina was there wiping away my tears. I saw people crying all around me. It was so awkward not knowing what just happened. They said they loved me and everything is okay. 

Another different experience at Giver of Life during service as I sat there I remember vaguely looking up at the ceiling I saw a brilliant bright light, I flipped out, and I ran away crawling under rows of chairs. People were trying to pulled me out from under the chair but I was strong enough to not release it. At that very moment I remember feeling an excruciating pain in my body. They said no one touched me as I rolled on the floor. I felt tortured by the pain and I cried so loud like I never cried before. 

I remember hearing a small voice inside telling me to “feel me, feel me.” Believe me or not, I know it was Jesus revealing his emotions in me, if that makes sense. I felt His pain because He want me to comprehend that no other pain is greater than the pain when He was dying on the cross for us. 

His purpose for me to be able to go beyond my own pains and be humble to empathize on a deeper level with people. One day I can help people who are in need for healing just like me. 

1 John 2:27
As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him.

He put me in this particular place so I can be anointed by Him. How greatly I needed deliverance, and how I longed to be set free from the bondage. That is my problem. I don't want people to see me without control. I was ashamed and embarrassed to know people had witnessed me losing control at church. Then enemy is using that to take this moment away from me. 

I was introduced to Pastor Hien and we connected in a spiritual way. I shared my experiences with her. She confirmed what I felt was the Holy Spirit. God is with me. The Holy Spirit is in me. What the enemy had to break me...God intervened. God knows me very well so I was delivered by Him many times in different ways that he knows best for me. 

From the outside looking in, people can’t understand, but from the inside looking out, I am mentally healing. I can still feel the Holy Spirit even though my mind is not fully healthy yet. I’ve been told for the longest time I'm sick but I know the Holy Spirit is healing my mind.

God doesn’t delight in hurting His children. His wrath is not poured out on His beloved. He is full of mercy and compassion. And when we walk through the pains of death and trauma and our crippling imaginary concerns. He isn’t the enemy. He isn’t the aggressor. He’s the Comforter.

2 Cor. 1:3–5. 
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 

Life changed for me when I learned to understand the Word of God and not be overcome with my fears. I realized that though I can't fix myself, Jesus walked into this broken, sad, scary place to rescue, love, and cast out all fear. The Lord reassured me, that I am loved, not because I am good, but because He is good. I am scared, but He is good. I will focus on my new found enlightenment and let go of the part of me that wants to self-criticize. I am not in darkness anymore. 

Proverbs 1:33 
but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm. 

This is the Lord's promise to you about His willingness to free you from fear and to give you peace through faith in Him. But as I lay in bed, enveloped in the agony of my fear, I felt God reach in and brush it away effortlessly. God poured the truth of His Word into my soul. In those minutes that I didn’t run from His presence, the words I’d read and known and twisted into condemnation were clear. When the gospel made clear that God has already given me His own Son, I stopped being afraid of the “scary” situations that bring me close to Him.

I’m telling you this from the bottom of my heart what really matters for us to understand that seeing life in light of the cross will help you avoid fear, overcome fear when you can’t avoid it, and live beyond fear when you don’t overcome it. You don't have to be afraid. Have no fear. Have faith in God. 

“Dear God, in the comfort of your love, I lay before you the memories that haunt me, the anxieties that perplex me, the despair that frightens me, and my frustration at my inability to think clearly. Help me to discover your forgiveness in my memories and know your peace in my distress. Touch me, Lord, and fill me with your light and your hope. Amen.”

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My Testimony at Giver of Life



I have two mental illnesses — Bipolar Disorder 1 and Dissociative Identity Disorder. I was sick for a long time. I lost my mind and I have been living in darkness. Today, I can now think clearly as the symptoms from my illnesses have been managed by medications.

The last five years, I have been through the intensely high times. Every night, I reflect on the experiences that have shaped me. I am still healing slowly, and I know for a fact I did not do this all on my own. Much of who I am today can be attributed to God.

I've had several amazing experiences with Jesus but the turning point where He intervened and revealed himself to me for the first time was at Giver of Life church. I didn't know back then, but I know now that my journey to healing had begun from there. 

But since I have been diagnosed with mental illness, I felt torn believing the experiences I had were caused from the illness. Being stable now, I believe there is more to it. I accept the diagnosis but the diagnosis and my belief in God goes hand in hand. I believe there is more to these experiences than putting it down to mental illness. I’m still trying to figure out deep spiritual meanings of my experiences. It is not so much about is it real or imaginary. Even though there may be a mental health aspect to these experiences, the meaning an individual connects with that experience is what is most important. I believe in medicine and doctors, but now I strongly believe in divine healing.

John 1:1-5
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. 

I am mentality stronger because my mental clarity and focus have improved. I see lights that I can’t explain. I see bright white lights when my eyes are opened in the middle of the day and when I closed my eyes at night. It can linger and seem to appear out of nowhere. Anyway, I asked my doctor if this is psychosis and she said no. Usually whenever this happens I would have a flashback memory of a particular experience that I believe was spiritual as if it just happened yesterday. 

Like I remember the first time I saw the light was at Giver of Life, and I was terrified remembering that time I was so sick from my mental illnesses. I had three supernatural experiences there that I don't fully understand because I vaguely remember the details of what really happened to me. I had amnesia. Short-term memory loss that I forget things I heard, saw, or did during those times. All I remember was waking up and I was laying on the floor in tears. I stopped going to church because I keep getting triggered. 

When my memories slowly returned in bits and pieces, I interpreted it wrong when I tried to make sense of it all on my own. I was so consumed with my own emotions in which I reacted negatively and was oppressed by the darkness. I won’t let go. I had tunnel vision and couldn’t see anything beyond the unsettling misinterpretations that came from the madness of my own mind. I was so angry because I had so much fear. For the longest time I thought I was traumatized. 

2 Timothy 1:7
For God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. 

Now that I have more clarity, I’m not sick, I understand why every time I see lights it would take me back to my experiences at Giver of Life, as if, the angels are telling me I needed closure and reconciliation over the misunderstanding I held on for so long. Jesus want me to reconcile with Pastor Selina and make peace. I am finally obeying and that’s why I am here now. 

I am walking on a path to recovery but I have been plagued for a long time with a heaviness on my heart that robs my peace and joy. It weighs me down that I cannot accept any help from other Christians. A sense of oppression would descend upon me for no apparent reason. 

John 3:19-21
This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

I keep seeing lights and I feel so conflicted whenever I see bright lights out of nowhere that comes and goes, always leaving me very emotional. 

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. 

I recalled a night even when I closed my eyes and saw what I can only describe as the brightest, most brilliant white light that I have ever experienced. I laid in bed as the light hovered above me. I was terrified. I wasn’t dreaming or hallucinating and I was not psychotic but I was so scared that as my heart pounded, I stopped breathing on purpose, hoping the light would stop or go away. As I continued to try to look into the light, to try and see what it was or where it was coming from; the image of a face so bright appeared. I didn't understand. I could not understand what was happening to me. Still terrified I looked into the light. It was Jesus looking into me as the light of His image floated and drifted, and at that moment when I realized it, I was overwhelmed with so many catastrophic emotions. My mind couldn’t comprehend it. I couldn’t sleep. When I got out of bed the next morning and there was normal daylight and it was just a regular day, I put the experience aside. I knew it happened; I knew I did not imagine it but I could not fit it into logical reasoning.

Another time I experienced lights radiating around me. I know I was seeing angels. The light was white and pure. It was the ultimate reality. Coming from the light was complete and perfect peace, love, forgiveness, and beauty. The love I felt, and everything else existing in this light, was so unselfish and pure. I knew it could only come from Jesus. The light was love because Jesus truly is love. Then I saw inside my chest. My chest looked like a pitch-black room with the lights turned out. I could see the outline of my heart how my heart was sitting in darkness. Yet, there was a beam of pure, white light bursting outward from a small piece of my heart like a ray of sunshine coming through a storm cloud. The light was filled with peace, love, and goodness. I knew Jesus was telling me that my heart was in darkness, and that if I only let a small piece of Him shine through, there could be so much unimaginable peace. He broke me down and gave me a new breath of life.

John 12:35-36
Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going. Believe in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light.” 

I told myself to stop questioning when I see God's light, I knew how wrong I had been. I know how much I had misunderstood Him. I know nothing bad could ever come from God and that He does everything for good with pure, everlasting love. The light of God is always there with me at every steps of the way, and whenever I see the light, it continue to change every moments in my life. He gave me the gift of clarity and allow me to let myself heal mentally from every trials he had put me through so I can completely believe in Him.  

Psalm 17:6
I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me, and hear my prayers. 

“Heavenly Father, it is my will to surrender to you everything that I am and everything that I'm striving to be. In the blood of Jesus Christ that covers me, I demand all the bad spirits inside me to get out and I declare I am healing I will be no longer sick.”

“I open the deepest innermost feelings of my heart and invite Your Holy Spirit to dwell inside of me. I offer you my life, my heart, my mind, my body, my soul, and my spirit. I surrender to you my past, present, and future problems. I ask You to take hold over every aspect of my life. I surrender to You all my hurt, pain, worry, doubt, fear, and anxiety, and I ask You to wash me clean. Open my ears to hear Your voice. Silenced all other negative voices in my head. Open my heart to commune with You more deeply. Open the doors that need to be opened and close the doors that need to be closed. Please set my feet upon the straight and narrow path that leads to everlasting life.”

“I know that the first step in all spiritual healing is to believe. Oh Father God, I believe! I believe that healing is a dynamic and reachable experience, a reality that can be experienced right now. I maintain a patient and loving attitude, for I believe that your healing activity is now at work in my mind and body. I look forward to the perfect wholeness that you are now bringing into manifestation through me. I know that with you all things are possible.”

“Father, I’ll admit that I sometime pick at emotional scars. I replay what was done and how it was done. I don’t want to do that any longer. I want to get up off my emotional mat, get up, and walk in freedom. Today I forgive everyone for my past hurts and will no longer hold the offense against the offender. I also accept your forgiveness for my sin and will no longer live in shame and condemnation. In the name of Jesus, amen.”

I’ll close with saying one last thing. God loves us so much. Listen to Him. Listen with your heart, not with your mind. When God does a work in us, it’s for His glory.
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